Hello Friends,
Me, sporting my new black and white collar. Note the look of happiness on my face.
Oliver here. I’d like to share my “battle of the collar” with you. The humans have a rule; every member of The Tribe of Five must wear a collar with our names and the human’s phone number. Even though we are inside kitties, there has been the odd occasion over the years when one of us has slipped through someone’s legs and shot out the door to explore the garden or the neighborhood, hence the reason for the identification on the collars. Oh, and each collar has a bell because when there are five felines in the household who aren’t well-behaved all of the time, the humans are able to identify who is walking around, racing up the stairs, or jumping off the counter by the sound of our bells.
My brother Alberto and I came to live with the humans about a year and a half ago. The female human promptly ordered us collars. The collars arrived and were placed around our necks. Alberto (and the rest of the Tribe of Five) sport their collars proudly. I, on the other hand, have issues with these things. I’ve spent much time learning how to remove the offending collar (the “safety” feature is wonderful for ridding myself of the offensive item when I get my teeth into it and pull in just the right manner.)
Whoops, busted!
I lost my first green collar quickly. The humans searched the house but I’d hidden it so well they gave up. A second collar was ordered. I pulled on that one so much, I managed to break the plastic buckle rendering the thing useless.
The female human thought she’d try a new tactic. She went shopping and bought yet another new collar. She declared it perfect for me and told me over and over how “dapper” I looked in the black and white restraint, and how well it matched my luxurious coat. Then she had a small tag made with my name on the front and the human’s cell numbers on the back. This was attached to the collar with the bell.
So, it’s not bad enough that I’m forced to wear this restraint now; I’m forced to suffer further distress with a tag that clinks against the attached bell. Every step I make, I hear, “tinkle, tinkle, clink, clink”. It is maddening. Alberto heard the “song of my collar” immediately, ran over to me and promptly slapped my tag and bell back and forth, enjoying the new “toy”. I was not amused.
I refused to turn around so the female human was forced to photograph the newest constraint this way.
I admit it did take a little more time to figure out how to extricate myself from this contraption but I managed- five times. The first four times, the humans successfully located my hiding place for the restraint and attach it to me. The fifth time I hid it so far away they’re still looking for it.
Sadly, the female human found my very first collar and had the temerity to make me wear it this morning before she left for work. I have an entire day to get the thing off of me and bury it in a place she’ll never look.
I don’t know about the rest of my feline friends, but I hate these collar things and I refuse to accept them in the docile manner Tucker and Jasmine have (they’ve been wearing the same collars for 13 years!)
I call all my collar-despising feline friends to unite! Tell me your terrible collar tales and let’s figure out how to put an end to this barbaric practice!
Your Soon to Be Collarless Friend,
Oliver
I’m not a big fan of travel, as a matter of fact, I hate anything that has to do with a carrier and a car but I must say, if the humans ever decide to take me to Kuala Lumpur, I’m demanding that they get me a reservation at Catzonia. This is every traveling cat’s dream with 35 bedrooms, airport pick-up, spa treatments and a lounge area. Heck, with complimentary airport pick-up, the humans could send me on a little getaway all by myself. This place caters to the most finicky of felines and even offers a kitty dating service. And, if the humans are worried about me traveling by myself, Catzonia has that covered as well, all rooms have 24 hour CCTV coverage that can be watched via iPhone so the humans need not worry about me. All that luxury is making me rethink my aversion to travel. Pack my bags humans, I’m off to Kuala Lumpur!
I fancy myself as a fashionable sort of guy so when I discovered this new trend I found it quite interesting (especially in light of the cold climate where we live and the fact that the humans have something called a “nest” that makes the house cooler when they are at work. I have no idea why they call it a nest, there’s not a bird in sight but I do have to say that a cat shouldn’t have to snuggle on a faux fur throw in the sofa just to stay warm until the humans return home!) During the colder times of the day, a scarf might just come in handy. Valentines Day is coming soon and I think every human should consider getting a Nekko muffler for their beloved felines (at $17.50 each it’s a deal!)
This is a multi function collar that is really made more for the convenience of the humans than us felines. It has many functions and is run with a smart phone app and can track us, train us (well, the training thing must be for the dogs, certainly NOT the felines), monitor our activity (hmmm, does that mean the humans will know when I’m on the kitchen counter?), monitor our health, open the pet door, dispense food communicating (not sure how this works unless the collar thingy speaks fluent feline), has an anti-barking reminder (again, this is for the canines only), and perimeter barriers (again, this must be for the doggies, cat’s do not recognize barriers). The collar has something called a display that tells other humans where you live and how to contact your people in case you just manage to slip through the legs of any company that comes to the front door. You can’t buy this thing yet but when it’s ready the cost will be about $99.00. Frankly, I’d rather have a new cat scratcher.
You know how much I love working cats so I had to feature this article about Larry, the Cat at 10 Downing Street. Although Larry is a public official, he does have an important job as Chief Mouser. There were rumors circulating that the former Prime Minister was no great fan of Larry’s but a recent interview has shown this not to be true. Cameron noted that he made a special effort to take a cat “selfie” before he left his position. Larry and 
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