So, You’re Visiting Our Humans…

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Tucker Opines

cross eyed Siamese catTucker here. The home of the Tribe of Five has been the destination for a number of visitors this year. We normally live a fairly quiet life, doing what we want, when we want, pretty much where we want. The arrival of human visitors always puts a bit of a crimp in our lifestyle.

There are a number of pre-guest things that happen in our house that we felines find objectionable. There is the copious use of the vacuum monster, the aggressive mop and the fact that some spaces, normally available to us are suddenly restricted.

The female human is a bit obsessive about cleaning  and boy does she ramp up when people are coming to stay at our house. There’s a lot of toothbrush around the moldings, edges of the shower, etc. Really, in all my thirteen  years, I have never seen a visiting human bend down to inspect the moldings in our house. I think the female human needs to chill.

This flurry of activity is the first indication that guests will be arriving.  And then comes phase two, the guests arrive!

Each member of the Tribe of Five have certain requests of any interlopers….errr…guests that come to our home.

First, please remember that there are specific areas we have designated as our own personal rest spots. For me, it’s on top of the down cushion on the big red chair. When  sitting in my chair, please do not lean too hard against the cushion in order not to disturb me.

You may want to bring your own personal sticky, roller thing. Although the female human has many around the house…in a house of five felines cat hair is the gift that keeps on giving.

Please be respectful of our schedule. The male human prepares our wet food dinner at approximately 4:00pm each day. If you have plans for the humans, I ask that you honor our dinner schedule. What you do after that is of no consequence to us.

Alberto Opines

Siamese Cat Sitting on suitcaseAlberto here. The humans have this wonderful room with a big, comfy bed, lots of soft quilts and a perfect view of the trees,  waterfall and forest below. This is one of my favorite nap places. When you arrive, the humans will escort you to this room, and then tell you that it is perfectly fine for you to keep the door closed. Do not believe them. It is not perfectly fine; it is in fact, quite rude in my estimation.

How am I supposed to get a nap when you shut my only access to this wonderful place? You visiting humans bring interesting smells on your shoes and luggage and we felines need a chance to come in and do a thorough sniffing observation. How can we know where you’ve been and what animals you have petted when you deny us access to this room?

When you sleep, it is particularly nice for us to be able to come in and walk across your face and sit on your chest so please, when our humans say, “You’ll probably want to keep the bedroom door closed” accept this for the lie that it is.

Oliver Opines

black and white cat with a heart over his eyeOliver here. When Alberto and I were first brought to our home as fosters, we were very tiny and the humans used the large guest bathroom as our nursery.  This is why I have a purrrticular fondness for this room.

In addition, the female human has the room decorated in black and white and I feel that it shows off my own beautiful coloring to it’s best advantage (and, if I sit very still, it works as fairly good camouflage).

One of my favorite games is “sneak in the bathroom, hide in the shower and then jump out” when the guest humans are sitting on the white, throne thing. I derive great delight in this although I must confess, some of the guest humans let out little scream sounds and act like they’re upset. Really, have you seen me? I’m a cute little guy with a black heart over my eye, how scary can I be?

The humans will use the same line regarding the guest bathroom door as they do with the guest bedroom door, giving guest humans full purrrmission to lock us out. Do not believe their lies. And for those guest humans who do choose to keep the door closed. Alberto and I will position ourselves in front of it and wait for you to come out so we can rush in.

Lily Opines

cat in windowLily here. I am extremely shy and human guests send me into a state of absolute terror. If you want to start out on the right paw with me, I BEG you, do NOT ring the doorbell! A soft knock on the door freaks me out as it is, but the horrible door bell will send me down the stairs in a panic and you may never see me again during your stay.

Because I am a scaredy-cat and none too sociable, I will probably remain downstairs during the length of your stay. If you insist on coming downstairs into my territory, I ask you to be extremely careful before you sit on the sofa.  That lump you see under the couch cover is probably me.

If you go into the female human’s office downstairs, please observe the rules. It is expected that I will accompany you but none of the other felines are allowed. This is a contract I have had with the human for quite a while. It works well for us and I expect you to honor it.

Some of us are referred to as “darters” and when the humans tell you to make sure we don’t get out, they are very serious. We live in a woodsy area and there are a number of woodland creatures who show up and stare into the downstairs sliders.  The upstairs deck is not so safe either. Tucker has fallen off the balcony twice into the ravine and Oliver launched himself downstairs when he was just a kitten. If you want our company outside, the humans will show you where they keep the pop up tent catio that allows us to be outside and stay safe.

If you are going to sit on a stool at the counter, you may not want to leave any meat items you are eating unattended. This goes for glasses of water as well. We probably won’t drink it but there’s a good chance it will end up on the floor.

Finally, when the female human does her nightly feeding of the mama raccoon, house rules state that I am to have a little of the cat food she gives them. It’s our little ritual.

That about covers it but remember, you may go your entire stay without ever meeting me.

Jasmine Opines

Siamese cat on fur throwI am the “invisible” feline, Tucker’s 13-year old sister who was bullied severely and now lives in the human’s bedroom . The female human wrote about this.  I am happy to say, things are progressing. Since the kittens Alberto and Oliver came to live with us, they visit me regularly. Lily comes in for a while every evening and the female human takes me for regular visits to the rest of the house. She says that one of her happiest days will be when the bedroom door is open and I roam the house again.

My tips are simple, please don’t ask to meet me, it might freak me out. Please don’t keep my humans up too late as bedtime is “me” time with my humans.

I am the least affected by company but I do know how much the humans enjoy those who come to visit so I say, come and visit, enjoy the view from the guest room and be sure and bring light colors and clothes that cat hair won’t cling to. And for heaven’s sake, leave your canines at home!

P.S. Don’t forget to check your luggage before you leave, Alberto is fast, sneaky and loves to hide in suitcases.

18 thoughts on “So, You’re Visiting Our Humans…

  1. The is the best post I’ve read anywhere in a LONG, LONG time. And I have to laugh because my guests would understand. My brother was here last week and Bear clawed at the door to the guest room any time it was closed (which was all the time since Bear’s a little thief and will make off with anything that tickles his fancy and he can carry). I recommended my brother keep the door closed and Bear was SURE there was all kinds of fun closed within. I also enjoyed this post because I got to know each of you a little better!

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    • I’m so glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the kind words. It’s always a bit of an adventure when company arrives and I must say, I am much like my felines when it comes to having my daily routine interrupted. I’ve been thinking that after the holidays it would be fun to do a panel discussion with. Ear and The Tribe of Five, maybe they could opine on what their humans need to do in the coming year (sort of a “cat makes the resolutions for the humans)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, you guys have a lot of rules, but we understand and we love it! It sounds like visiting your house is quite an adventure. We have always had at least one resident kitty who refuses to ever be seen by company.
    Our late cat Conrad was like that for years, but then as he got much older all of the sudden he wanted to be in on all the action and everyone finally got to meet him!

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    • Yes, we do have a lot of rules but there are 5 of us with very distinct purrsonalities. Fortunately Oliver and Alberto are very people oriented so they are our designated hosts which allows the fraidy cats to hide away until the company is gone.
      Your Friend,
      Tucker

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  3. Iv’e found that a great way to get visiting humans to leave early is to choose the one human who doesn’t like cats, then cozy up to them until they understand who is really in charge. After all, it’s your home, not theirs!

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  4. My kitty Soth has pretty strict rules for visitors, too. Most importantly, he thinks that he should be able to sit on the back of the couch and sniff their hair without ever being touched by the visitors 😉

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  5. We love your rules, especially the one about letting us sniff things. The beta female brought home a male human. He smelled so awful that Kommando wouldn’t go near him. Now she avoids the beta female too. Too bad humans don’t listen to our warnings.

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  6. Vive la différence! When I meet people who say they don’t like cats (sharp intake of breath) I wonder what cats they’ve actually met. We have Mickey Mouser who turned out to be a ‘fraidy cat (Maybe we named him wrong?) and Rufus the Red who never met a person he didn’t LOVE.
    This is a very entertaining post!
    Maggie

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: The Felines Opine On 2016 | Feline Opines

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